To Captain Whitmore Sahib, most worthy English gentleman.
Oh, Captain Whitmore Sir,
it is I, Ranjit of the Rams, writing to you from the road back towards Fort George after the unfortunate affair at Koya. I say unfortunate affair, Sir, because although we did not take Koya, there were many things which went extremely well.
At least this is what I have been told.
Before I begin, I must tell you that Naan Ram is very well.
When I mentioned your name to her before we left, she gave that particular little smile and there was a most remarkable glint in her eye. She gets this glint whenever your name is mentioned. I do not know why.
Perhaps it is because you are such a distinguished English gentleman. Perhaps it is because she remembers your excellent manners. Perhaps it is because she remembers the time you visited our village.
I have asked her, but she merely said: "Randi, you ask too many questions." Which I think is not an answer.
Anyway, Sir, to Koya.
The Sultan had prepared the place very carefully.
The road ran through the village, with cultivated ground and woods on either side, and opposite us were the famous Green Turbans
They were very green. This is not merely their name. I have seen them. They are extremely green.
Their commander, the Balti Naan, had placed his European-trained Guard in the centre, with other troops amongst the fields and woods.
Our battalion advanced magnificently.
The European Company was on the left, and Captain Company advanced in support. I was, of course, with Captain. This was fortunate because Captain Grahame is a very clever officer. He also has the useful quality of being between me and the enemy.
The European Company advanced and we advanced too. The Green Turbans watched us. They waited. Then they fired.
OH, CAPTAIN WHITMORE SIR.
That volley was something to remember. Three elements of the European company were struck down almost at once. Not a one was saved. The Company Commander fell beside his men.
For a moment there was terrible confusion. I confess, Sir, that I thought perhaps this was not the moment to be standing in the front rank.
Captain Grahame however, held us together. He began to withdraw the company as the enemy flankers came forward.
This was a very sensible manoeuvre. Some people might call it retreating. I call it preserving the Company for future operations.
Lieutenant Gloria's Company was also roughly handled.
Poor Lieutenant Gloria was wounded and carried away in the dhoolie ambulance sling.
She looked very brave. She also looked as though she would prefer to be somewhere else.
Meanwhile Colonel Reynolds was trying to take Koya in the centre. This proved difficult.
The woods and cultivated ground were full of the Sultan's fanatics, who seemed to know exactly where to hide and exactly when to appear.
Our Sepoys advanced. The fanatics appeared. Our Sepoys fired. The fanatics did not seem sufficiently impressed.
Our Sepoys advanced again. The fanatics appeared somewhere else.
I began to suspect that the entire town was full of them. Things were looking extremely bad.
But then, Sir, on the right—
Major Tudor Williams began shouting.
I have heard Major Williams shout before.
I have heard him shout at Sepoys.
I have heard him shout at officers.
I have heard him shout at people who were not even there.
But on this occasion he achieved a magnificent level of shouting. He drove back the Sultan's flankers.
And I swear, Captain Whitmore Sir, that from where I was standing I could hear the great THUNDERING PIG.
I do not know whether this was Major Williams himself, or merely the sound of his voice echoing across the battlefield. But whatever it was, the enemy went backwards.
I told Captain Grahame that Major Williams was winning the battle on the right. Captain Grahame replied that Major Williams was always winning something.
Unfortunately, Colonel Reynolds could not take Koya. And Captain Grahame's Company could not hold the left indefinitely.
And so, despite Major Williams's magnificent efforts, the 2nd Madras was ordered to withdraw.
We marched back towards Fort George.
There was rather less singing than there had been on the way to Koya. The men were disappointed. I was disappointed. Captain Grahame was disappointed.
Major Williams was still shouting, although by this time I believe he was shouting mostly at the enemy for having won.
Still, Sir, there is one thing which may cheer you.
The Bhuna of Dahl has escaped.
Yes. The very same Bhuna whom we captured upon the road. He has somehow been released.
Apparently someone in the Honourable Company's administration accepted a considerable amount of money.
I am told that this is called a bribe.
I am also told that the Bhuna has promised that he will not return to the Sultan's service.
He gave his word. A pinky promise. So that is all right.
I am sure we can rely upon him. After all, he is a man of honour.
He was only the Sultan's fanatical henchman a few days ago. And he is now free because somebody has taken a very large sum of money.
But he promised. So there is no reason to worry.
I remain confident, Captain Whitmore Sir, that the 2nd Madras will recover its honour and continue the advance.
We may have lost at Koya. But Major Williams shouts that we did not lose.
He says we conducted a fighting withdrawal in the face of overwhelming opposition.
He shouted this very loudly. Nobody argued.
I hope you are well, Sir. Please give my regards to anyone who remembers me.
And if you see Naan Ram, please do not mention that I told you about the glint in her eye. She says I am becoming too observant.
Your affectionate and most obedient servant,
Ranjit Ram, Sepoy and Batman, 6th Company, 2nd Madras Native Infantry
P.S.
Captain Sahib, I have been thinking.
If you are indeed my father, as I have always suspected, then perhaps I have inherited my military genius from you.
If you are not my father, I shall have to ask Naan Ram who is. She has just told me to stop asking questions.
There is that glint again.
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