To Captain Whitmore Sahib, most worthy English gentleman,
Oh, Captain Whitmore Sir, it is I, Ranjit of the Rams, writing with news from Chinta and some matters of a religious nature which I think you should know.
First I am well. This is important, because there was some shooting, there was an elephant, and there was also Lord Ganesh, so I am writing quickly.
We marched to Chinta with Captain Grahame and the Sixth Company. We were told that the Mad Fakir was there and that he was making trouble, but I knew who he was immediately. It was Ram Shackle, my brother, and he has always been a troublesome fellow, Captain Sahib, although lately he has become much worse because he now believes he is Lord Hanuman, the Monkey God.
I do not know why he thinks this. Perhaps because he is very hairy. Anyway, when we reached the village, there was the Bhuna of Dahl upon a large elephant, with many Green Turbans around him, and I thought this was bad news because the Bhuna has already escaped once after being captured by us, which proves that he is very good at escaping.
Captain Grahame formed us up, and the Bhuna fired. We fired, the Bhuna fired again, and we fired again, and the firing of the 2nd Madras was very good, Captain Sahib. I was pleased to be behind everybody, but then some of our men fell and Captain Grahame looked towards us, and I realised there were not enough men in front of me anymore.
So I had to become a front-ranker. I did not like this, because you see everything when you are a front-ranker: you see the enemy, you see their muskets, you see the bullets, and you also see the people behind you who are not front-rankers. I began thinking that perhaps I should have joined the artillery.
The Bhuna's men were becoming disordered from our fire, and Captain Grahame then looked at them and said, "Now then, fellows, fix those bayonets, what!" So we fixed them, and then we charged. There was a great fight, three Green Turbans fell and two of our men fell, but we passed the test of disorder and the Bhuna did not.
His men began going backwards, and the whole great body of them started recoiling. And then, Captain Whitmore Sir, the Bhuna disappeared. He was on the elephant, then he was not on the elephant, so I looked in the howdah and there was nothing, I looked behind the elephant and there was nothing, and I looked at the men running away but there was no Bhuna.
I think he may have become very small and hidden himself, or perhaps he has learned some new Indian magic. I was still standing there when Havildar-Major Sharma arrived, and you know Sharma, Captain Sahib: he is a very brave man when there is no danger.
He saw the elephant, he took his musket, and he shot it. He shot the elephant. Captain Sahib, the elephant fell down directly in front of me, and I was very surprised, and I think the elephant was also surprised.
And then I saw Lord Ganesh.
He was there in front of me. Not the elephant — Lord Ganesh — and he looked at me with his great wise eyes, and I said, "Lord Ganesh Sahib."
He said I was a traitor to my people. I said I was not, and I explained that I was a Sepoy in the 2nd Madras and that I had to obey my officers. He said that I must serve the British until they left India, and I said I didn't understand, and he said that It was a order, and I said yes.
Then he went away.
I do not know where. Perhaps he went into the elephant.
This has made me very worried, Captain Sahib, because if Lord Ganesh is watching me, I must be very careful what I do. I shall therefore continue to serve the Honourable Company with great loyalty, which is also convenient because it is what Captain Grahame orders me to do, so everybody is pleased.
Except perhaps Lord Ganesh.
I have not seen Ram Shackle again. This is probably good, because if he really is Lord Hanuman, then perhaps he will have some religious argument with Lord Ganesh, and I do not want to be in the middle of that.
There is also Naan Ram. I told her about Lord Ganesh, and she said, "Ranjit, you have been hit on the head." I told her I had not, and then I told her what Lord Ganesh had said.
She became very quiet.
Then she asked whether I had been thinking about Captain Whitmore again.
I said yes.
She gave me that glint in her eye, Captain Sahib. You know the one. Whenever your name is mentioned, Naan Ram gets this glint, and I have noticed it many times.
I still believe there is something she is not telling me.
I do not wish to trouble her, but I shall continue to investigate. After all, if Lord Ganesh can tell me what I must do, perhaps Naan Ram can tell me who my father is.
Your most obedient servant, Captain Sahib,
Ranjit Ram
Sepoy and Batman
6th Company, 2nd Madras Native Infantry
P.S. Captain Sahib, I did not run when the elephant fell. I remained exactly where I was for some time, and this was because Lord Ganesh was speaking to me.
P.P.S. If anyone says I was frightened, please do not believe them. I was experiencing a religious moment.
P.P.P.S. I think perhaps I was frightened.
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