Randi Ram and the Frenchy Dux

Oh Captain Whitmore Sir,

It is I, the Randi Ram, once your houseboy, and perhaps related because of your friendship with the Mrs Ram my mother.  I have learned of a strange thing.  Major Williams, he of the voice like a rock slide in the Ghats, has told me in confidence that he believes that it is he, and not yourself, that is the Randi Ram’s true father.  Apparently he too was a friend of my mother.  She is a generous lady.  He has begun calling me “lovely boy.”

Most distressing.

Worse, we have been up in the Princedom of Dahl, and had four whole companies, almost 300 Sepoys, to visit the Bhuna and burn down his palace.  We camped before the hill city, and my third cousin, Naik Jaymin of the artillerists went to work with his cannon, “Jamilla the Killer.”  She knocked down the city wall very nicely for us.

The Bhuna surrendered and paid over a ransom of treasure, so that we could go back to Fort George.  All was well.

But the Bhuna is a rat faced liar, and he had employed a Frenchman, a proper soldier, a Colonel Bols from the Typhoo Sultan’s Regiments.  He had marched against us with three companies and some hill bandit skirmishers he had trained. 

Leaving a company to guard the city of Dahl Major Williams marched out, with much loudness, and formed us up.  Then the chips were out of the cup as the saying goes. (?)

As the old Indian Proverb says, “a buffalo does not feel the weight of his own horns.”

The 2nd Madras: Officers and NCOs to the Front, Sepoys behind, skirmishers and artillery on the flanks

The 2nd Madras, mustered to date.  The 15mm figures replaced my superb Redoubt Miniatures 28mm.   Regrets, I have a few.  Then again... the 15mm give me real value in terms of storage, and that is at a premium.  Retirement to Cyprus comes at a price...

 I freely admit that I mashed up the Sharp Practice rules to include some of the mechanisms for SP2.  Really I just wanted to use my new poker chips.

The Sepoys formed up with a main body of three groups, under the Major and a Subadar "Uncle" Shami.  The Shirmishers were commanded by a Havildar.  (Dilip Fairbanks Jr actually, quickly becoming a mainstay.)

 Those bases still need some work.

 Contrary to expectations the Duc a l'Orange held his own.  He joined two groups into a formation and kept one out on a flank under Lord Ram Bham the Tiger Hunter of Typhoo, another of Randi`s relatives.

It soon became apparent that the French trained regulars were just as effective as the 2nd Madras.

 ... and this is how Auguste did it.  Several times in the game the Frenchman picked up multiple flags, taking off shock and helping him stay in the fight.

 Out on the flank a brutal skirmish battle developed, see-sawing until a devastating round of fire cut the Havildar's command in half.

 ... and the crowning glory of the Sultan's troops was Colonel Auguste gaining four flags, and delivering a terrible rolling fire onto the Madras Sepoy formation, breaking it.
A damned close thing though.

 The East India Company forces flee back towards Dahl.  Major Williams has to bribe the Colonel with the treasure that the Bhuna had just used to bribe him.

Randi of course survived, bravely standing behind the Major's horse during the fight.

The three victorious Officers, Colonel Auguste le Duc, Lord Ram Bham of the Typhoo, and Subhedar Kanta Singh who commanded the Skirmishers.

Bumfluff, back up the blue. The Benghazi Handicap Scenario One.

Dear Mummy,

            I am back up in the blue with what’s left of my chaps from 11^th Hussars.  The regiment has gone back to Alex to refit but I am staying to find out about our new cars, the old Rollers having finally been killed off in Operation Compass.  Troop Sergeant Reggie Quilp has joined me, and really a more clever fellow never set foot in Libya.  He has the new cars working like Billy-ho, but these KDG Chaps are very new.  Not veterans like us cherry bums!

            We were sent out by the Colonel of KDG, (that’s the Kings Dragoon Guards Mummy dearest.) tasked with a recce out to the old fort at El Aghiela, off the via Balbia road beyond our line at Mersa Brega.  The Troop Sergeant wanted some action, but it was a still night and these KDG chaps wanted to kip under their cars.  I decided that I would take a nap.  Sleeping in the Rolls was really a bother but in one of these new Herringtons I can just about manage, so we parked up in the rocks east of the fort. 

            The Colonel had told us that the rifles had a section of chaps under a corporal in the Fort.  These are territorials, Tower Hamlets if you please, but they seem well trained. The Aussies had also sent a pair of portee 2pdr anti tank guns.  I`m not sure what all this is for to be honest.  Didn`t we see off the Italians a few weeks back at Beda Fomm?

            In the middle of the night armoured cars approached from the west.  Nobody had bothered to tell us that KDG had a second patrol out that night.  As they turned off the track to come around east of the fort I counted eight wheels on the side of their cars.  I turned to Troop Sergeant Quilp and said, “My God!  Are those Germans?”   

         

Having completed Operation Compass I decided to get some of my Afrika Korps painted up and begin with Rommel's opening attack in February/March 1941.  Sources conflict on the exact occurrences at El Agheila fort, but it seems clear that an attack that the German's considered a probe, was seen as overwhelming force by the defenders. The Commonwealth had only a small garrison in the fort, but it was protected by mines. 
This was something of a wasted opportunity, since the fact that the defenders fled told Rommel all he needed to know and prompted his subsequent early attack at the Mersa Brega position.

Since I followed the career of 2nd Lt Herbert Farthingdale for Op Compass (Bumfluff to his friends after an incident in boarding school) I decided to do the same for the Benghazi handicap, or less politely rout, of the Commonwealth before the advancing Germans.  Herbert, from the 11th Hussars, knows just about everyone, and can always tag along with a tank or armoured car formation whatever the unit.   Herbert writes letters home to his mother, forming the basis of the narrative.
Actually there were Officers from 11th Hussars left with the KDG to learn about the new Marmon Herrington armoured cars, so Bumfluff is, for once, not being unhistorical... as such...

It`s been a while since I played I Ain't Been Shot Mum, but they are still a quality set of rules!  I wanted to return to them with a smaller game before Bumfluff has to charge out against the Panzers in the Tower Hamlet's Rifles Bren Carriers at Mersa Brega.  Still, in retrospect this was more a Chain of Command sized game.

 The Germans:
A platoon of Infantry
a troop of 8 wheeler Armoured cars
a troop of 5 mixed armoured cars and light tanks.
3 Big men

 The Commonwealth
a troop pf Armoured cars (I swapped one out as a Rolls Royce to denote Bumfluff`s car)
a single section of Infantry supported by an A/T rifle element
2 2pdr A/T Portees

 The terrain pre-deployment.  I suspect that I placed the village on the wrong side of the road!

The German attack develops.

 An armoured car duel develops, which the KDG eventually lose.

German Infantry debouch from their trucks and form up to assault.  It`s only a matter of time for the defenders.

The Corporal and his Tower Hamlet`s rifles fight well, driving off the Recce Group, and actually knocking out a PzII with the Boyes Rifle.
They cannot stop the attacking German infantry, who destroy the Aussie portees.

But ultimately it is Bumfluff's car and the last surviving KDG that are forced to withdraw.















Next time... Bumfluff is drafted into the Tower Hamlet's Rifles to assist their Carrier platoon in the defence of the sand dunes before the Mersa Brega Position.  With the 5th Light Division of the Afrika Korps bearing down on him what could possibly go wrong?

Randi Ram and the Battalion Major.

 Oh Captain Whitmore sir,

It is I, the Randi Ram, and once again there has been trouble in Fort George.  Miss Parker, once your ward, now a missionary, was here again giving out bibles from a handcart.  Rumour went around that these were bound in a leather which was the skin of dead pigs and cows...  This offended both the Hindu and Musselman Sepoys in an equal measure.  

The battalion was paraded, and we stood to attention eyes forward, furious to a man.  The Colonel and adjutant retreated to the bungalow and "Missionary" Miss Parker appeared to fan the flames of our anger, with her handcart of grave offence.   Muttering and angry words followed, and I think that the battalion would have mutinied, except that at that very moment the battalion Major returned.  

He has been at Bombay, on the Staff of the Governor, but now he was back among us.  His name is Major Williams, but he is called “Shut-up” by the Sepoys, since these are his favourite words.  He is also called “The thundering pig,” but for different reasons.

Major Williams: Mounted and Foot version

 The 2^nd Madras have a strange attitude to this man.  He both terrifies and inspires us.  He is the most ugly creature in all of creation, yet all true soldiers should have his talents.  In a voice like Indra God of the thunders he roared that “those flaming books be chucked in a pit, off of this parade ground.”  

When Miss Parker objected with tears and arguments about Jaysirs, the English god, he told her, “Oh Dear, how sad, never mind.”

Then he inspected the battalion, shouting at anyone whose coat or musket showed dirt.  He shouted a lot.

   

We all felt much better.

It is this Officer who will be leading us against the Hillfort at Dahl, to get revenge on the Bhuna.  

Generating the Character

When I set up the Randi Ram campaign I decided to use the TV Show "It ain’t half hot mum," for the names and basic characters of the Battalion Officers.  One of the characters I did not use was one of my favourites, Battery Sergeant Major Williams.  Since I use only a very few British Officers, and at the Company level I game there tends to be only one present anyway, usually a Lieutenant, I hadn`t needed Williams until now.  

The Subadar Major, Haidar Sikh, Lieutenants "Gunnar" Grahame, Makintosh, Parkin

Indeed in Sepoy companies the Indian Officers would often command anyway, since Europeans were scarce.  However, for some of the scenarios that the 2nd Madras will now face I  need a forceful and energetic Senior Officer.  The rank of Sergeant Major did not really appear until some time after the period the game is set in, and having promoted the ordinary soldiers to Officers It seems correct to make Sergeant Major Williams up to Major Williams.  

Here are the results of my character generation rolls.  I have these for each of the Officers and senior Indian ranks in the game.  For some bizarre reason my Indian Officers always seem to be competent, and my Europeans idiots.  Perhaps I have a bias!

Major Tudor Brynn "Shut-up" Williams
Cock o'the walk
An average stamp physique
Face like a pig's backside
Popularity Loved by the Sepoys, hated by his fellow Officers
An urchin from Sister Teresa's Orphanage in Cardiff.
A fair hand with the sword
An accomplished horseman
His personality is that of a cad, and he is a lecherous ladies man.
He is athletic, strong and agile, with a voice like a loud and angry Tiger. (this last part being from the TV show)

This translates into the following character profile:

"Shut-up" is a Welshman who is the real commander of the 2nd Madras.  As second in command to “Pink Gin” Colonel Reynolds he terrorises Fort George with a voice like Indra, God of Thunder.  He hates India, but he hates English Officers more, but he loves shouting, swearing and fighting.  (According to the Greek Philosopher Socrates the Fat these are the Military Virtues)* 

Born in a Cardiff Orphanage he has risen to the rank of Major, in the East India Company, by his fighting ability, and his links to Colonel Reynolds, who took him on to work as a groom at the tender age of ten, but has recognised his fighting ability and energy.  The other Officers detest Williams, looking down on him because of his humble background.  He is an accomplished horseman, from his days as a groom, and a fair hand with the sword.  He has little real military skill, but firmly believes that being in the army is all about shouting, and he has a god given talent for that.

The Sepoys follow Williams as a natural, but very ugly leader, calling him "Garajane Suar Sahib" or "the thundering pig" in Hindi. 

The Major is in love with Miss Linda Lovelace, the Parson's very correct and prudish daughter, but is allergic to her trio of pekinese dogs.  She thinks he is quite attractive, but only because his face resembles one of her dog’s.  He has however no “prospects.”

"Shut-up’s”  frustrated lechery has made him a frequent customer at Nookie Noor's Emporium of Delights, and on still nights the energetic singing of "Men of Harlech," as his evening reaches its booming climax, can be heard as far away as Pornomalee. Sometimes he even gets as far as the second verse before shouting “Load, Make Ready, Target to your Front, Give Fire!! Oh Yes!!”

On watching the distant advance of the 2nd Madras at the battle of Assaye in 1803, Arthur Wesley, future Duke of Wellington, commented, "A sound battalion, but by heaven that man has a shout like a howitzer," to which Williams replied "SHUT-UUUUUUUUP."

* Socrates the Fat was a little known cousin of the better known Socrates the Clever Dick.  His life was tragically cut short when he was force fed a hemlock sausage.

Naik (Corporal) Jaymin, and his gun "Jamilla the Killer."

Preparing Randi for SP2: Randi`s Arch Enemy.

With the Sharpe Practice 2 rules from Toofatlardies fast approaching I needed to update my 1780s India to incorporate more regular opposition for the 2nd Madras.

I was painting my poker chips and found this odd looking fellow in my paints box.   He is an Essex Miniatures Eighteenth Century General.

I needed a commander for my native Indian Regulars, the Regiments of the Typhoo Sultan.  Since the move to Cyprus I don`t really have a spares box, or a lead mountain thanks to Ebay, but this chap must have been hanging about in my paint box for years, following an abandoned Seven Years war collection.  He does seem to be carrying something odd in his right hand.

Let me introduce Colonel Auguste Bols, Duc a l'Orange

A cock o' the walk Auguste is a strong man, large of frame and in his own words "avec un enormé saussise de pantalon."  His looks are pleasant, but critically he lacks a moustache.  He is the son of a ruined Alsace Merchant.  (there is no easy way to say this but... Auguste is a Frenchman!)  He is an excellent horseman, and sound swordsman, but in battle carries "l'Effrayer" an ancient penis shaped cosh, made from pink sandstone, presented to him by the Bare Yogi of Seringatpatam.   This is probably the reason his Indian troops hold him in awe stuck terror.

The figure wears a tattered orange coat that has seen better days, and clearly Auguste is holding up a flesh toned weapon to  motivate his troops.

Auguste is an honourable man, but is also a lecherous lush whose hobbes include drinking wine in the company of Ladies of stained virtue, and looking down his nose at anyone who is not French or is a hated revolutionary.  Auguste is a Royalist, and by now may actually believe he is the Duc a l'Orange.

Auguste is also a gossip, who talks endlessly and rather annoyingly, about the Glories of France.  He is also an avaricious looter, who spends his cash on the Ladies.  To impress them he has assumed the title of Duc a l'Orange, not realising that this is a recipe rather than a royal title.

Auguste once served in the Regiment de Lorraine as an Ensign, before a scandal involving a nun and innuendo.  He avoided the courts martial by running away to sea.  The fates have brought him to India, and into the service of the Typhoo Sultan as a military advisor.  He calls himself Colonel Bols,  and also “Le Duc” and is training skirmishers for the Sultan.

His six skirmishers have a more Afghan look to them than is strictly historical, and I wish I could remember the manufactuer of some of these, if only to remind me not to buy anything from them again.  I do remember that they were mercifully cheap.

Speaking of cheap, Auguste is also a miser, and notorious looter.

My thanks to the President of the Marshal Petain Gentleman's Club for the name and character of cher Auguste.

Vive Le Roi.

Randi Ram and the Defence of Nookie's Emporium of Delights

Scenario Eight:  Randi Ram and the Defence of Nookie's Emporium of Delights.

Oh Captain Whitmore Sir!

It is I, Rangi Ram, called Randi by my Officers, and once your most excellent servant.  My Mother has fond memories of you sir...   I have had a terrible time with Nookie.  Please do not be thinking that this is normal for a Britisher soldier in the 2nd Madras.  Our company has been at Pornomalee again, and I was with my Officer, the very bald and brainy Lt Grahame inside Nookie Noor's Emporium of Delights, bartering for a hair piece.

This Nookie is a seller of information, and for a few rupees Mr Grahame can discover what is occurring in the Madras Province.   His information was not so useful today.  For 20 rupees he told us that the Typhoo Sultan is brewing trouble, and for 30 more rupees that my brother Ram Shackle, the Mad Fakir has been seen at Dahl.
 
This is a campaign mechanism.  It allows me to add an element of chance to the game.  A D6 decides how many rupees are paid over from battalion funds, and the higher the sum the better the information.  A chance table is then rolled to discover if the result will have any impact on the battle, perhaps by adding units to one side or adding a character.  Here the Indian forces failed to get the Morale boosting figure of the Mad Fakir added.

This Fort at Pornomalee has been burnt down three times and is in ruins.  Our company were to supervise the erection of a wall around the old tower.  It is not a strong place.  Our presence soon attracted the attention of that old villain the Bhuna of Dahl.

 Well it was that the Subadar Major Haidar Sikh was with us, and as bad tempered as ever.  The Bhuna had sent his son, the newest Little Bhuna, the 2nd Madras having slain yet another one whilst I was away adventuring with the swashbuckling three Havildars.  Like his brothers this Little Bhuna is a massive idiot.

 

Skirmishers led by the Little Bhuna suddenly appeared at the edge of the village, hillmen with their long jezail muskets.  The scoundrel bandit Tante Tooh appeared on the road, with a strong force of horsemen.  The terrible chant of "Din, Din!" began, and half of the company crowded into the Emporium.  Mr Grahame ordered us to stand ready, and the Subadar Major had our sepoys dig firing holes in the mud brick walls, using our bayonets.  Havildar Singh took his platoon up to the roof.  It was a nervous time for the Randi Ram's bowels.

This Nookie was not happy about his Emporium of Delights being turned into a battlefield.  He took refuge with his girls down in the cellar. 

We could see the rest of the company attempting to seek refuge in the old tower, but with a charge of horse and much shouting they were overrun.

 










 

This made Mr Lieutenant Grahame quite angry.  His bald and brainy head went very purple.  The Subadar Major was also quite grim, but then again he was born that way.  Our men were shooting these dogs down, and on the roof Havildar Singh and his platoon were able to fire down into the street. These casualties soon broke the Little Bhuna's attack.

Mr Grahame rushed out and caught this Little Bhuna, completely killing him.  Tante Tooh, seeing this, galloped off. 

Nookie Noor was in floods of tears, having been comforted by his girls in the cellar.  His Emporium of Delights now has a similar look to the outdoor latrine at Fort George, and a similar smell.

Yes Captain Whitmore sir, although we drove them off it was yet another defeat.   Mr Grahame is most unhappily talking of revenge.  It seems that we must be marching up to the Dahl hill fort and giving the Bhuna another "damned good spanking what!"  Strange things these Britishers want to do sometimes. 

I may have to visit my old friend Chandra Bogennoor the Physic at Fort George, and be placed on his list of "sickees."


As the old Indian proverb says "a Doctor is only a Doctor when he has killed a few patients."

A doctor is only a doctor when he has killed one or two patients - See more at: http://www.special-dictionary.com/proverbs/source/i/indian_proverb/#sthash.1blTJD2G.dpuf

A doctor is only a doctor when he has killed one or two patients - See more at: http://www.special-dictionary.com/proverbs/source/i/indian_proverb/#sthash.1blTJD2G.dpuf

The Game
Unlike the skirmishers the cavalry forces unleased by the Bhuna were pretty inneffective against the Sepoys, who were in excellent cover.  It seems that the timing of the attack was all important, and the skirmishers, who appeared first, warned the 2nd Madras that an attack was imminent.  Once the Sepoys had gained cover even the Jezails of the tribesmen had little chance.
On the other hand the Little Bhuna did manage to wipe out the part of the Company in the Fort.  These had only one Big Man, and were simply swamped.  The Sepoys only victory was in killing the little Bhuna, a lucky shot, rather than as reported the heroic work of Randi`s Lieutenant.  A well deserved victory for the Indians. (again)