Die Altberg Sonne Issue 1

Issue 3.

Scandal of the Fat Baron and the tart Regular readers of the Altberg Sonne will remember the tragic events of the previous Campaign against the Red when the Fat baron Pumphosen was delayed by his Apricot tart.  Following a thorough scolding by the new Lady Pumphosen the Baron has been placed on a strict diet, and told to keep away from tarts. Pumphosen’s Tart, see page 3...	Anyone for Flatulenz? Infamous fart lighting incendiary the Margrave Flatulenz has been seen in the border area of the Red and Blue.  The Margrave  has however vanished, with no sign of either him, or the notorious Red lancers he gaily hangs about with.
Capt.Von Phillips and the Melon Seller’s daughter. Scandal in Altberg this morning when known lush and womaniser Max Von Philips accosted an innocent melon seller’s daughter impeding his column. Rumours abound that the Melon Seller’s Daughter was none other than Saucy Miss Windsor, shortly due to marry a naval Officer, but this seems unlikely in the circumstances.  What is clear is that Pumphosen inspected her melons and declared them to be “proper tasty.” Quality Melons... I should say!  Matron...!	The Military situation Well to be honest it’s anyone’s guess at the moment.
	Fartgasse to join Blue Army Wurst Fartgasse, third son of the Baron Fartgasse has been appointed as ADC to the Baron Pumphosen.   Married to the lovely Flagella, Fartgasse is famous for dancing the notoriously difficult Shlong Polka and delighting the Prince Regent with their unbridled sense of fashion.  Following the incident with the Emperor’s new clothes all Blue society has been parading “naturlich.” The Fat Baron has been quoted as saying “if the lad can dance around in the nip at court, he’s got what it takes to make a soldier.”