The Revenge of Bellendus and Testicleas

Bellendus Tyrant of Itchyas

Bellendus, Tyrant of Itchyas, has once again decided that his moment has come!  The Oracle* has proclaimed that the timing is propitious, and the Tyrant has marched out to face the city of Scrotas and their great Strategos Bronchitus on the Field of Ares.

* The Oracle appears as an ancient man, who sits outside the King Odysseus Bar, drinking wine and dispensing "Mystical Truths," in the form of extreme right wing prejudices.

Aware that the last time he decided to face the Hoplites of Scrotas our hero was soundly defeated, he has hired some cavalry, and enlisted the services of Testicleas the Smaller, son of the renowned Testicleas the Greater, who fell in the previous battle.

Bronchitus meanwhile has raised a group of slingers to support his phalanx, as well as hiring some javelinmen.  As ever Bellendus will be accompanied by his closest friend the stout Engorgius, as well as his personal pan pipe musician and poet, Hendrixius.

The Forces

Bellendus and his Elite Hoplites
Testicleas and his Drilled Hoplites
Cosmo with his Drilled Hoplites
Analube leading a group of cavalry
4 Arete Points
                    vs.
Bronchitus with his Drilled Hoplites
Engorgius with his Drilled Hoplites
Adonis with his Drilled Hoplites
Narcissus with the Militia Hoplites
A group of slingers
A group of javelinmen
6 Arete Points

The Game

The Poetry of Hendrixius
The Valediction of Bellendus. (Fragment)

There must be some kind of way outta here
Said the Bellendus to the thief
There's too much confusion
I can't get no relief

(40 minute Pan pipe solo)

Hoplite men, they drink my wine
Plowman dig my earth
None were level on the mind
Nobody up at his word
Hey, hey

The First Game

Bellendus crosses the stream and forms up into phalanx.  This restricts the movement of the units to straight forward.

Bronchitus is slower to get started

But eventually Bronchitus hoplites move forward and form phalanx.

The Greek cavalry rush around the hill to an outflanking position full of unwarranted optimism.

Bellendus gets his slingers onto the hill above the cavalry

Hendrixius can be seen behind the lines giving a pan pipe solo

Bellendus left is slow to form.  The peltasts and a hoplite unit unformed.

But the peltasts surge forward and do some javelin chucking.  It's none too effective.

And the phalanxes close in

Having lost a man to slingers the cavalry hug the hill line.

The view of the Sacred Owl

And the phalanx clash...

Bellendus in the push of Spears, his men perform well.

And its all along the line

The  slingers come off the high ground and attack.

The peltasts lob javelins again, and they are carving into those hoplites.

But Bronchitus fights back, smashing the phalanx to his front

The slingers evade back onto the hill and in their turn they kill another Cavalryman.

Bronchitus routs the enemy phalanx.  Its a comprehensive win in melee.

All along the line Bronchitus men break the enemy line.  Job done and a victory for the city state of Scrotas.  Time for Bellendus to run for it!

The Second Game

The Escape of Bellendus

The Great trireme, Apollo's Dream of the Sea, (also translated as Apollo's Wet Dream) has been sighted fleeing along the coast.  A ship from Srotas, Posiedon's Pillar under the Stout Engorgius is in pursuit.  

After some moving scenery the ships creep together with Poseidon's Pillar overhauling.

Eventually Apollo's Dream  turns and rams.  Locked together the Hoplites of both vessels must fight to the finish.

Apollo's Dream rams. The Marines close up to fight.  My Psiloi chuck Javelins over the gap..  

Using half strength units my Marines close up around their leaders.  I used simple Men of Bronze rules with a set of boarding factors.

Engorgius leads his marines in the boarding action

This is a battle of attrition

Bellendus is captured by the poop

Apollo's Dream sinks as the victorious Posiedon's pillar backs water and leaves with the captured Bellendus aboard.

The look is getting there.  Once I've properly finished the ships (cocktail sticks oars) it will look great.  The fight comes down to dice as Engorgius gets aboard and Bellendus is killed captured rallying his men.
Bellendus is sure to escape and will return for his revenge...