Battle on the Thames, 1816

The battle of the Thames was fought against the backdrop of Britain's withdrawal from the Third Coalition and the subsequent division of the nation into a state of near civil war.  Vice Admiral Farage, of the Red, confronted a smaller squadron under Rear Admiral Geldof of the Blue.

Farage had argued that supporting the European Coalition was sheer folly, and that Britain should forge its own way in the world, regardless of the cost.  The Establishment, including the Prime Minister had argued that it was Britain that set up the Coalition in the first place and to abandon our allies was a catastrophic thing to do.

Farage had appealed to the Fleet and supervised a Grand Mutiny, as his sailors and fishermen took a stand on the Thames itself. 

Farage held the weather gauge, and maneuvered up river at noon splitting Geldof from an allied flotilla of boats under the command of Momentum Luddites, who it later transpired supported Farage rather than the Government.  By one o'clock Farage's flagship The HMS Enoch Powell (90) had drawn level with Geldof in HMS Kenneth Clarke (74).

Farage spent most of the battle holding his blue bound copy of Kings regulations aloft, whilst Geldof held a pink bound copy of the Fighting Instructions.  Jokes about Geldof's dislike of Monday's seem sure to follow... 

The situation at 1pm as the fleets close in on one another

 

Farage's flagship boldly leads the way... into a devastating fire as Geldof angles the line to take maximum advantage.  Both Admirals took the opportunity to harangue each other as the word "Gobshite" was traded back and forward.

Farage's flagship is sunk.  A 90 gun ship seen off in minutes!  Finally underwater the great Admiral is forced to shut up and give the rest of us some peace.  The second in line is damaged.  Nobody expected this level of firepower

With his 74 leading the line Geldof 's fleet punish the Leave the coalition fleet.

But in places as the lines run past at close rane there is tremendous damage on both sides.

More of the Leave ships are sunk

But at the end of the line Geldof is caught in a rat trap.  His ship is boxed in, and these lighter vessels are finally able to knock his block off.

So it's goodbye to the great man as he joins Farage in the river, enjoying his first wash since the 1780s.  It must be a Monday after all.

Much of the Leave fleet strikes, as the Momentum Flotilla sweep in, having changed sides yet again.  Game over, and yet another sad and devisive day for Britain.  Still, with both of these Admirals lost in the river it wasn`t all a total loss...