Randi Ram campaign setup notes

Oh Captain Whitmore Sir,

           This is Rangit of the Ram, known to all Britishers as the Randi Ram, and if I may say well known to yourself sir.  I have once again paid the exceedingly good Mr Kipling to write down my words.  Since I was once honourably employed as your Houseboy sir, I feel that I can tell you that your brother Mr Quentin has returned to India.  The terrible business of Miss Parker and the bibles is all forgotten and once more he is the tall hero.

Madras Cavalry under Ram Dittin clear the docks

Except that he is not so tall and is still wearing the high camp boots.

The 2nd Madras has been rebuilt here in Fort George.  Our brave Britisher Officers are with us, from the Company of the East Indians.  

Colonel Reynolds, that indecisive man of the pink gins is our Master, with Captain Ashworth, he of the enormous Cricket bat trousers, as our Adjutant.

Your brother, Mr Quentin Whitemore is a new Lieutenant, with Mr Quilp and a drunken Irishman called the O'Finnigan.  Lt Miss Gloria is back among us, as well as my own Master the very baldy and brainy Lt Gunnar Grahame.  The swearing Scotchman Lt Macintosh and Lt Parkin are our last Officer Britishers.  The dice of Fate have not been kind to some of these proud gentlemen.  Our Jemhadar and the other NCOs are still as tough as ever.

We have raised only seven Companies from the remains of our catastrophic defeat by the Typhoo Sultan.  The Muster book records that I, the Randi Ram, remain a manservant to Mr Grahame.  This means that I must hold his enormous shooting stick, and arrange the lower caste servants I employ to actually do the work.  

Our enemies are still on the frontiers Captain Whitmore sir.  The Bhuna and his vile goat loving son the Little Bhuna still raid into Madras.  The Fekkar brothers of the unwashed clan steal and murder almost up to the gates of Fort George.  Our Great enemy however is the Typhoo Sultan.  The thought of those green turban guards, with their big choppers makes my loincloth shrink to the size of bootlaces.

Add to this the news that the Frenchmen have sent a pair of Ducks to India.  This is the Duck of Pommes-Frites and the Duck of Orange.  Frenchmen here!  Poor news for a man with a nervous bladder, such as the Randi Ram.

I must finish this letter.  Mr Lt Grahame requires me to massage his bald head again.  I must find a copper pot for his "essential oils."  Life has cruel turns I think.

Well has it been said, when an elephant is in trouble, even a frog will kick him.

Yours, 

The Randi Ram

Randi will soon be back in "Randi Ram and the Frenchie Ducks."